Что такое mommy issues

How to Deal with Mommy Issues in Women

What are mommy issues?

Mommy issues are problems in the relationship between mother and daughter, which appear when the mother fails to carry out her traditional role or is absent in the life of her child at all. Mommy issues signs in females are usually much worse than in guys with mommy issues. Let’s look at several types of moms that can trigger such problems with their children.

Infantile mother

Cruel mother

This is a categorical cruel woman who doesn’t recognize the opinions, feelings, and desires of other people. She sincerely believes only her actions are right. She is easily irritated and educates children with the use of prohibitions, the violation of which is fraught with punishment. This woman is picky, intolerant, and angry.

As a rule, a man in such a family is either absent or doesn’t participate in the child-rearing. More often than not, he is weak-willed and unemotional. The mother is inclined to speak harshly of the father in the presence of the child, thereby instilling in her daughter the negative attitude towards men.

The daughters of cruel mothers grow up in two psycho types: cruel and rude, like a mother, or modest, insecure, with low self-esteem and a negative attitude towards life.

A cruel mother can’t raise a happy daughter. The girl doesn’t expect anything much from her family. Marriage is most often caused by a desire to break out of the parent family.

Sitting-hen mother

This woman lavishes the excessive care upon her children, accompanying each step of the child, and taking responsibility for every decision. It’s a restless, anxious woman, who bothers people around with her activity. She seeks not only to fulfill the desires of the daughter but to anticipate them.

The ideal childhood of the child that seeks to create such a mother is an attempt to correct her past: to make up for the absence of the father or make the daughter’s life better than her own. Children of such mothers have a low tolerance to stress. Such girls grow up as infantile women, often demonstrative and capricious, unable to take responsibility for the family.

Goddess-mother

Narcissistic mothers are sure of their exclusivity and correctness. They devote much time to themselves, are rather arrogant towards others, strive to rule, command or dominate. Goddess-mothers don’t tolerate lack of attention to themselves, they are even jealous of someone’s affection for their own children. They don’t consider maternity as hard work.

In such a family, children are left to themselves. Perhaps cunning and quirky, they are able to balk the mother’s anger. Since childhood, girls don’t know how to sympathize and empathize, manifestations of love and care are alien to them. Usually in the future, they choose a career, but, as a rule, don’t achieve success because of low communicability and narcissism.

Mommy issues vs daddy issues

The importance of family in the life of each person can hardly be overestimated. The family gives us help, support, warmth, communication skills, and the first lessons of love. It helps us to mold character and teaches to overcome difficulties. Of course, parents play the most important role in the life of each child. Everyone dreams of a happy and close-knit family. But unfortunately, between parents and children, there are sometimes conflict situations and various problems that negatively affect the lives of their children.

Mommy issues

It’s believed that girls with mommy issues are emotionally restrained and categorical in their judgments. But in reality, they are often very vulnerable and delicate people.

Girls with mommy issues often become single-minded, which can be explained by the learned male type of behavior. And it’s good if, in spite of the idealization of the father, the daughter will be able to make her own choice, and not according to the principle «to please the father». Otherwise, everything, from work to the future husband, will be chosen by the father. Although, it applies to any incomplete family.

Daddy issues

Everyone knows that mother is the best and most important person in the world. But what about father? The fact of the matter is that the absence of the father has the same strong influence on the formation of a woman.

If the father was absent, the girl comes up with the image of the ideal dad, which in adult life is transformed into a desire to meet the «ideal man». At the same time, she accumulates a sense of insecurity, lack of warmth and confidence, which can be obtained precisely in a relationship with her father. Then, going into adulthood, such a girl demands from her man things he, in principle, can’t realize.

If a woman grew up in a fatherless family, she often has a deep sense of distrust, contempt, and aggression towards all men. It happens especially if the mother tries hard to put into the head of her daughter the idea that all men are bad. Therefore, girls with daddy issues are often lonely and disappointed in men.

Signs of mommy issues

How to deal with women with mommy issues

Mommy issues in females don’t mean that such a woman isn’t worthy of love. On the contrary, she deserves even greater care, support, and warmth. There are 6 useful tips on how to deal with women with mommy issues.

1. Participate in decision making

2. Support her

By virtue of her instincts or pride, it may be hard for such a woman to ask you for help. Therefore, when she doesn’t ask about it, don’t be discouraged, but ask yourself what you can do. Don’t take «no» as an answer. Always support your girlfriend so she doesn’t feel alone.

3. Be strong

When you need help, she will try to solve all the problems. But you should hold your own and let her know that you can do it yourself. Don’t expect that she will do anything. A woman wants to see in you another source of strength, on which she can rely.

4. Create a safe place where she can be weak

A woman with mommy issues signs needs it. She needs to relax and release her feminine energy, but for this, it’s important to feel secure. How to do it? Learn to listen to her without condemnation. Wisely manipulate your words and let her be a woman, have emotions and feelings, not making her feel hysterical or weak-willed.

5. Respect her

A girl with mommy issues symptoms has her own opinion and needs to feel not only the admiration for her as a woman but also your respect for her as a person.

6. Don’t make her choose between you and her dreams

Respect her dreams, she shouldn’t choose between the career and relationship with you. She can have both if you plan everything together. If she sacrifices her dreams for you, she will no longer be the woman you fell in love with. Don’t try to change her.

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Signs of Mommy Issues in Females

Both parents have a big influence on the development of their child’s personality. They sort of program their kids by the way they treat them. It’s a well-known fact that all emotional disorders, deviations in behavior, psychological problems stem from a person’s childhood. The personalities of parents, the relations between them, a general atmosphere in the family – all this shapes a kid and predetermines his or her future life as an adult.

Mommy issues vs daddy issues

Along daddy issues, there are “mommy issues”. These are often “diagnosed” in men by women. By the way, there isn’t such a diagnosis as mommy or daddy issues – it’s just an informal name. A man with mommy issues is often called a mummy’s boy and is too attached to his mother. There is the other side of mommy issues in men when they feel completely detached or don’t want even to talk about their mothers. Not trusting women, being possessive, disrespectful to women, suspicious, worshiping/ignoring his mother – these are just a few signs of men with mommy issues. Guys with mommy issues are often afraid of strong women or tend to think that they will not find a woman who will be better than their mother. The same as not all sons are lucky enough to have doting fathers, not all daughters have idyllic relationships with their mothers, which means there are also women with mommy issues.

What are mommy issues?

In a healthy mother-daughter relationship, there is a strong bond between a parent and a child. A little girl feels loved and protected, gets enough care and attention. When she grows up, she considers her mother to be her friend. They talk a lot, she can share secrets with her, get emotional support, a wise piece of advice. There is mutual understanding between the two women. Girls who have healthy relationships with their mothers develop as harmonious, confident, personalities able to be loving and caring in relation to others.

But very often, mothers fail to be good parents for their daughters. There are different situations that make them emotionally distant from their kids. Some mothers have to work hard to provide for their kids (if the other parent is absent or unreliable), so they spend most of their time working several jobs. As a result, their small kids don’t get enough of her attention, and the bond between them weakens. Those women who are reserved and emotionally detached by themselves have difficulties communicating with their children. Their emotional coldness doesn’t allow them to develop a close connection between them and their daughters. Their insecurities prevent them from having deep and sincere conversations about important things.

The way a mother treats a father is exemplary for a daughter. She sees how a woman should behave towards a man. If she gets a corrupted image of a man-woman relationship, it affects her relationships with men.

Signs of mommy issues

What are the mommy issues symptoms? If you spot some of the following in your girlfriend, she might be affected by mommy issues.

Insecurities

Happy and confident are those people that were loved and admired by their parents in their childhood. If a girl didn’t feel loved, she experiences a lack of confidence when she grows up. If the mother was a controlling and dominating person, if she didn’t praise her daughter for small and big accomplishments, but mostly criticized, reproached, or ignored, the daughter grows up into an insecure adult.

Trust issues

It’s difficult for girls with mommy issues to make new friends. If she had to deserve her mother’s love rather than was loved unconditionally, she will always doubt her relations with other people. If one moment her mother was tender and caring, and several hours after were shouting at her and scolding for no reason, a girl experienced fear and uncertainty. As an adult, she can’t totally trust people who treat her well, as she apprehends that their behavior will change out of the blue and she’ll suffer.

Inability to establish an emotional connection

When a daughter seeks the mother’s attention and love, but her mother ignores her, she does her best to somehow deserve it by pleasing the parent. She chooses the same strategy in her adult life when she builds relationships with female friends and maintains romantic relationships with men. She often asks herself whether her friend is her real friend. She has problems with saying no or gets so clingy that it repels people. A lack of trust results in the fear of emotional intimacy. A woman is afraid to open up to her partner because of the fear of not being understood. Some girls get defensive and detached, some are sensitive and dependent. Since they are unable to establish strong bonds, they stay closed for their partners. And without trust, it’s impossible to establish an emotional bonding.

Avoiding profound relationships

Women that show the signs of mommy issues want to be loved and happy in a relationship. But, at the same time, they are afraid of entering a relationship. They are afraid that it won’t work out, and they will be left feeling frustrated and miserable. Usually, that fear is stronger than their desire to be in a loving relationship. As a result, such women choose to avoid relationships craving them deep down.

Self-reflection and sensitiveness

The emotional experiences we get in our childhood have a great impact on how we react to certain things in adulthood. Those daughters who were criticized and hurt emotionally by their mothers tend to overreact to what people say or do when they grow up. What was meant as friendly banter is perceived too seriously and is given too much thought.

Not many female friends

Girls with daddy issues gravitate more to female company, while one of the mommy issues signs is not having a lot of girlfriends. A girl with a mommy issue usually has one or two real friends, and those relationships are profound, as that girl doesn’t easily let people into her life.

Being a tomboy

One of the manifestations of mommy issues in females is that they are not into all those girly things. Since these girls have always preferred men’s company, it’s unlikely they watch sweet romantic comedies and wear pink clothes. During family gatherings, they rather play with kids or talk to male relatives rather than sit in the company of women.

Feminist views

She is not instilled gender stereotypes simply because of her upbringing. Her mother wasn’t a perfect example of a gender role, so the idea of equality appeals to her most. She doesn’t want to be a housewife, she is not obsessed with the idea of becoming a mother.

Finding it hard to express her emotions

Just because she has never been close with her mother, she doesn’t have the experience of revealing what she feels inside. It can be quite damaging for her romantic relationships, as there comes the moment when the two loving people talk about their feelings. In terms of mommy issues psychology, women choose to take the “I don’t care” attitude in order not to appear vulnerable. But it only ruins their relationships, because building a healthy relationship is about showing care and not being afraid of revealing your feelings for the partner.

How to deal with women with mommy issues

If you spot the signs of mommy issues in your girlfriend, you can try to help her overcome her insecurities. Yet, when it comes to healing childhood wounds, only deep self-analysis and own desire to sort everything out can be effective. Sometimes professional help of a psychologist may be needed if a woman looks for ways how to deal with mommy issues.

A lot of women with mother issues decide to be not like their mothers but end up treating their men the way their mothers treated their fathers. Since a woman didn’t have a paragon of a healthy relationship and woman’s role in it, it can be hard for her to build a harmonious relationship of her own. Some girls find maternal models to follow in other women, such as their teachers, grandmothers, or friends. And they manage to cope with their mommy issues.

If you happen to date a daughter of unloving mother, you should be aware of the issues she experiences when building intimate relationships with men. Hope this article shed the light on mommy issues signs in females, so you can figure it out. What can you do as her boyfriend? First, decide whether this woman is worth fighting for. If you want to be with her, talk about her worries. Have that frank conversation that will make her open up to you. Reassure her that she can count on you, that you’ll be always there for her. You should also keep in mind that her issues can be overcome only if she decides to analyze her relations with the mother and understand how they are affecting her life. Do your best to make your relationship work, but if you see that there is no improvement on her side, maybe she is not ready for a relationship.

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Что такое mommy issues и как они проявляются, когда мы вырастаем

Эксперт:

Что такое mommy issues?

Фрейд обнаружил «Эдипов комплекс», Карл Юнг про­дол­жил его изучение и ввел понятие «комплекс Электры». Он изначально рассматривался через призму пси­хо­ана­ли­за и означал сексуальное соревнование маленькой де­воч­ки с матерью из-за отца. Сегодня mommy issues от­сы­ла­ют к различным проблемам с мамой.

Как mommy issues мешают жить?

Mommy issues мешают строить отношения в будущем, по­то­му что у такого человека есть проблемы с доверием. Он будет рев­но­вать, нуждаться в подтверждении того, что он значим и любим. Мужчины с mommy issues не уме­ют выстраивать от­но­ше­ния с противоположным полом, у них низкая самооценка. Бывает, что такие люди пред­по­чи­та­ют партнера, который намного старше их.

Как mommy issues проявляются во взрослой жизни?

Мужчина, у которого были проблемы с ма­мой, может всю жизнь так и прожить с ней, не пытаясь построить другие от­но­ше­ния. Он решится это сделать обычно только в слу­чае маминой смерти. Муж­чи­на с mommy issues начнет ис­кать не суп­ру­гу, а маму, ее замену. В таких от­но­ше­ни­ях не может быть равенства — всегда кто-то будет до­ми­ни­ро­вать. Например, он будет очень властным или, нао­бо­рот, во всем станет подчиняться жене.

Также у мужчины будут определенные ожи­да­ния от своей партнерши, которые ос­но­ва­ны на поведении его мамы. На­при­мер, если она всегда за ним убирала, то он да­же не подумает, что может сде­лать это са­мос­тоя­тель­но. Он будет ждать, что это сделает его партнерша.

Как mommy issues сказываются на парнях и девушках?

У мужчин это сказывается на отношениях с про­ти­во­по­лож­ным полом, а у девушек — со своим и с собой. Такие девушки могут не иметь подруг, им сложно выстраивать отношения с женщинами, потому что они им не доверяют. Девочки становятся па­цан­ка­ми, потому что чувствуют се­бя не­ком­форт­но в образе женщины — они не при­ни­ма­ют свою женственность и сексуальность.

Проявления mommy issues раз­лич­ны у пар­ней и де­ву­шек, но в обоих слу­ча­ях нет до­ве­рия к жен­щи­нам. Иног­да встре­ча­ет­ся, что де­вуш­ка в муж­чи­не ищет маму. Она счи­та­ет, что то, что не­до­да­ла ей мать, смо­жет дать партнер.

Что больше влияет на ребенка — mommy или daddy issues?

Не могу дать однозначного ответа, потому что всё очень ин­ди­ви­ду­аль­но и за­ви­сит от лич­нос­ти ро­ди­те­ля и ре­бен­ка. Кроме то­го, нет боль­шо­го ко­ли­чест­ва ис­сле­до­ва­ний о mommy issues. Из моего опы­та могу сказать, что ра­бо­таю чаще над проб­ле­ма­ми с мамой, но не могу делать из этого од­ноз­нач­ный вывод.

Как прорабатывать mommy issues?

С психологом! Это будет эффективнее и быст­рее. Мож­но прос­то вни­кать, что это такое, изу­чать, смот­реть и чи­тать, что­бы про­ра­бо­тать это са­мос­тоя­тель­но. Но если вы ви­ди­те влия­ние этих проб­лем на ва­шу жизнь, то са­мым луч­шим ва­ри­ан­том бу­дет об­ра­ще­ние к специалисту.

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Women with Mommy Issues: How to Recognize and Deal with

Adults say that she is a good girl, contemporaries consider her a bore, but she doesn’t care because the most important opinion for her is the opinion of her mother. Sometimes moms just don’t know what they’re doing. They love and guard their daughters so much that they don’t even let them take a step without control. At the same time, they are absolutely sure that they know much better than their “children” with whom they are friends, where to study, whom to love, and with whom to be friends. So, how to know if a girl has mommy issues symptoms?

What are mommy issues?

Imagine that a young man married a beautiful girl. Their union was cemented by pure love, and happy newlyweds set out for a honeymoon for 2 weeks. But, they returned from the trip and severe family everyday life began. Literally from the very first day, a girl’s mother began to intervene in the personal life of a young couple. She visited her daughter and called her several times a day. It may seem that there is nothing terrible about this. But a mother constantly harassed her daughter with advice.

She recommended how to behave with her husband, how to do housework, how to spend her leisure time. This is how mommy issues psychology looks like. What kind of man would like such custody of his wife? The case in this situation is aggravated by the fact that a married daughter can’t do anything without mama’s approval and consent. A husband offers to go abroad – she immediately calls her mom and asks for advice. And a mother thinks that it’s too late to go somewhere at this time of year. This decision, as the only correct one, is immediately said to a husband. The same is observed in other family issues.

However, not everything is as bad as it may seem at first glance. Complete dependence on a mother has certain pluses. Specialists believe that girls with mommy issues have a powerful intuition and are extremely feminine. Such a girl is artistic, delicate, and very impressionable. But this is observed only when a mother herself is endowed with the appropriate features. Also, such girls have the ability to dress well and cook well. In a word, if a mother is “good”, then her daughter meets the best standards. She can be an ideal wife. However, at the same time, a girl is very attached to her mother and considers her opinion the main one. Also, it should immediately be noted that obsessive maternal care makes a girl passive and insecure. It is characterized by emotional instability, increased vulnerability, and irritability. Such a girl rarely achieves her goals and is not able to tolerate failures persistently.

A normal family life is possible in newlyweds only if the mother’s behavior is quite adequate. A woman shows delicacy and doesn’t get into the life of her daughter and her husband. A girl needs to get rid of her mother’s excessive care. And this means, first of all, getting rid of emotional dependence. Only then it makes sense to talk about harmony in marriage. And it is fundamental in family life.

Mommy issues vs daddy issues

A mother loves her children for no reason, a father – for deeds. Fatherly love is demanding and “not given” to a child at birth. It must be earned with real virtues and confirmed with concrete achievements. It stimulates a child for action, for success, for moving forward, teaches him/her to affect people, obey, and live in society. Mother’s love relaxes, soothes, envelops and lulls, but it doesn’t push for anything.

Mommy issues

Women with mommy issues signs are often feminine, endowed with powerful intuition, artistic, delicate, and very impressionable. As a rule, such a girl knows how to cook well and dresses with taste. A girl may become a good wife and a skillful mistress with time. But at the same time, a girl feels that she and her mother are one inseparable whole. Typical female features are magnified many times by mother’s efforts. Life settings of a mother are automatically transferred to her daughter. So, such a girl often feels unhappy. She is not self-confident, passive, vulnerable, irritable, and has emotional instability, often deviates from the intended goal, she doubts her feminine value. A loving mother binds her daughter to herself forever. She prevents her to marry or she chooses a husband for her and then lives with a newly married couple. By the way, the same happens to guys with mommy issues.

Daddy issues

From her earliest childhood, a father educates his daughter as a boy. Maybe such traits as purposefulness, perseverance, ability to take responsibility for oneself, a propensity for analysis are very useful in life. Thus, a girl turns into a harmonious and destiny-resistant person. She knows what her dad likes. And if dad is a real man, then she has no doubts about her female attractiveness for all other male representatives. Such girls understand men perfectly and get on well with them, which help them in marriage and career. However, there are some problems as well. A dad often prevents his daughter from getting married and creating her own family. Such despotic and painful attachment of a father to a daughter is typical for single fathers and for families in which there is no love and mutual respect between spouses. Often girls with daddy issues take typically masculine shortcomings of their fathers: self-confidence, arrogance, brusqueness, sexual discrimination, and indifference.

Signs of mommy issues

Girls with mommy issues are seen from far. However, here are the mommy issues signs in females if you don’t know how to recognize them:

Such a girl responds to all adventurous offers like this: “We must ask my mother”. By nature, such a girl is spineless. She can’t make decisions on her own and is afraid of any responsibility. Such a “plant life” can be led all life if, of course, there is someone to rely on and a girl can be a “child” for her husband as she was for her mother.

Such a girl, as a rule, communicates with adults – friends of parents, relatives, and not with peers. Very often among women with mommy issues, there are talented girls with a rich inner world, but they are so “protected” by mothers from all problems and worries that they can’t succeed in life.

Specialists say that these girls, as a rule, are more feminine and endowed with powerful intuition. These girls are usually artistic, delicate and very impressionable. But this is only if a mother is a good woman. Otherwise, all the shortcomings of a mother can automatically go to her daughter. Especially if they are very close to each other.

They often feel very unhappy. This is one of the most obvious signs of mommy issues. Girls are not self-confident, passive, differ emotional instability, vulnerable and irritable, often deviate from the intended goal, and doubt their feminine values.

A mother, unwittingly, binds her daughter to herself forever. Excessive maternal love shortcomings, first of all, prevent a daughter from living. After all, if a mother is in a bad mood, then her mother will sacrifice even a romantic evening with her husband just to calm a mother and raise her mood.

They listen to their mothers in everything. If a daughter is very attached to her mother and listens to her in everything, then this can turn into big problems for her personal life – up to the divorce.

She wants to break up because her mother doesn’t like you. It is very easy to recognize mommy issues in females. If a mother doesn’t like a boyfriend of her daughter and she has a tense relationship with him, a real problem may appear in a family. A mother will say to her daughter that she has a bad husband and her daughter will start to rush between two fires. And she may choose her mother, not a husband. After all, it is very difficult to get rid of emotional dependence.

How to deal with women with mommy issues

Below we will tell you several small tricks that will allow you to reduce the intensity of passions in a relationship. So, how to deal with mommy issues:

Love her mother. Love her mother because she gave birth to such a wonderful girl. You yourself chose her and still love her for some reason. Praise her and make it clear to your girlfriend’s mother that her opinion is very important to you. Don’t resist their meetings because this will only spoil relations with your girl.

Be smarter. At first glance, the first advice may seem almost impossible. But if her mother advises you something, just listen to her and even better – do as she wants and be kind at the same time. Try doing so. Be trickier.

Let your girl feel independent. For example, divide household chores – one of you is responsible for buying food, the other for cooking or paying for utilities. Don’t drag everything on yourself.

Praise her more. This is very important because even a small praise is nice for any girl. Gradually, she will get used to the fact that something can depend on her as well. Perhaps, she will like this new status.

Resign yourself to your position. How to deal with mommy issues? Psychologists advise – let it go. It is a useless and hopeless occupation to fight with her mother. The main thing that you have to understand is that the head of the family is you. If you are ready for this, then it makes sense to continue to live in a marriage. The most important thing that psychologists recommend is not to argue with her mother. By enlisting her love and support, it will be much easier for you to build a relationship with your woman and the question of whether you should live together will fall off by itself.

Give vent to emotions. It’s not always possible to keep everything to yourself – thus you will only do harm to your health. Don’t you like something? Get angry! A woman should know that you are extremely unhappy with her actions. But again, in a dispute with her, be careful not to criticize her mother, just talk about your feelings.

No manipulation. Such girls often just give their points of view for their opinion. If you feel that she really can’t think so, then don’t be silent about it!

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